Time Heals All Wounds, right?

The only thing that is helping me right now is writing these posts. So I'll continue to write even if I do have 5 followers...

I'm not myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I am so thankful that 2012 is coming to an end. I definitely have made some big mistakes. These mistakes have come with consequences and I am facing them as I speak. I'm struggling to post sappy Taylor Swift lyrics or post meaningful bible verses full of life and truth. Both are very applicable. My head has been down for a long time and I am too ashamed to pick it up. I've lied, deceived, and betrayed some people very close to me. I finally told my mom, and she responded in the exact opposite way that I had imagined she would. Before I had told her things were bad, very bad. And I had a great deal of anger in me a lot more than I should have.

We've tried to back off before, and it hasn't worked. A good friend said this, "You and ___ have tried this before, it seems very clear what God wants you to do in this situation. Since neither of you have been able to do it, God has done it for you. Please see the truth and care in that". And he is absolutely right. It's time I put ALL of me into Jesus and not just a part. There's a space in my heart missing, and it's missing a part because I've tried to stuff you into it. You fell out. Now, I need to put Jesus into it. Letting go of you is the hardest thing I've had to do.

Everything I do reminds me of you. I thought taking a break from Facebook would be the solution but I was clearly kidding myself. There's no doubt that this sucks, none but I don't want to miss you like this, or need you like this- and you're the one who is making me miss and need you like this because you were there for everything. And I wouldn't take that back for a second, don't get me wrong but when you walk away like this, I'm left with very little. I find myself switching between anger and sadness when writing these posts. So I often end up taking five minutes just to write out a whole sentence because I am refraining from posting my anger, for now.

For a long time, I have felt that God has been silent in my life. And this is the next thing from confessing that I feel God talking to me directly. Clearly, I have put you before him and this is Him telling me that needed to change.
::

Whatever my God ordains is right,
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, or need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken,
My Father’s care circles me there,
He holds me that I shall not fall,
And so to Him I leave it all.

~Samuel Rodigast