I'm not sure how to start this post. I'll probably jump a round a lot and write like you know all the details to my situation. Here goes... (I warned you)
It feels like days since I wrote my last post. Time feels like it's moving quicker than ever but I only wrote my post a little over 1 day ago. None of this feels real yet and I'm not sure why, because it definitely is. For now, I have finals week coming up. However, I have three finals which only occupy two days of the next week. After they're over I will have close to zero distractions to take my mind off of this. I don't expect to move past this quickly at all. In fact, I don't expect anything at all.
I've been dependent on you for so long and then you pick up your things, leave, and throw me away. It feels like I have no where to turn. You know my circumstances and how much they suck. I tried to keep that out of my mind when this all started but it has crumbled faster than I ever imagined. I had to delete my Facebook. I can't bear to look at the things you post of the awesome adventures in your life. None of which I can be a part of anymore. Maybe you can help me because I'm a little confused... If you carry the majority of the weight of this why am I practically dying over here while you're out having the time of your life? If your reasons for doing this, are legitimate, why are you hanging out with a girl you like? Is she not a temptation for you? Sin cannot be beaten by hanging around self desires.
I feel like our whole friendship was a lie.
I struggle with the thought of not being good enough, pretty much for anything or anyone. And especially with this weight on my back. I can't lift my head or stare certain people in the eyes. But you can?
More than a few people are baffled that I don't hate you and want to still be friends with you. They're even more confused as to why I'm not angry with you. Now, I'd be lying if I said I had no anger towards you what-so-ever but I 100% do not hate you, and I don't think I ever could.
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