This Doesn't Need a Title

You are the sole reason that I am lying awake right now, at 2:06 am. I fight myself and argue with my emotions going back and forth between angry, hurt, sad, furious, and all of the above. Notice how happy wasn't in there. I cry every single day. I have to fight myself not to break-down. The lies you fed me when we last talked are enough to make me vomit. I am hanging on by a thread and am very close to ruining the life you now have and watching it crumble around you. It has become crystal clear to me that you are not taking this seriously and think that if this stays hidden we can move on. I sure as hell cannot. And if you can, good for you- that just proves that you are a heartless scumbag.

I never was one to point out the bad in you. I stuck up for you every chance I got and NEVER left your side. I think you forget how many times I have had your back. I have a chance to do some real damage. The part that sucks most, is that you already know that I can never hate you, and that I will do anything for you, and will always love you as a friend. I think that is what made it so easy for you to take advantage of me. You have taken things from me that I cannot get back. No matter how much I try, it cannot be given back to me, it's yours forever. And right now, that makes me sick. I am trying so hard to hold on to the person I thought you were and the person you were to me. I only listened to you and myself. Everyone told me to get out a long time ago, they felt I was trapped. They knew you treated me like dirt and knew your actions were to serve only yourself. I lied to myself for a long time. The fact that you are still hurting me and we're not even talking is ASTOUNDING. I laugh when I think about this situation because you don't care one bit. You go around with your fake exterior getting people to believe that what they are seeing is the real you. It's impressive. We all know you're emotionless, but heartless? That's a new one.

Life isn't fair, and life is about making choices. I know I made my choice and have also sinned. But you took advantage of me. You played me like a fiddle and made me believe so many lies it's unbelievable. I miss you more than you know, but I think most of my pain is coming from what you've done. I never would have thought that this would have happened. Especially not from you. Which is why I feel like you're a complete stranger to me and that our friendship was surreal. I miss you, even after all of this. And I miss the person I was when I was with you.

I cannot fathom why I still want to be your friend. Why I want to talk to you and can't bare the thought of never talking to you again. I've never been one to speak highly of myself, but the last two lines I just wrote should say something.