I wish I could take back all of the fighting, all of the arguments and all of the times I acted like a fool. My reasons for doubting you look a little more reasonable now. I'm not going to pretend I'm okay to give you the satisfaction of knowing I miss you. You know that is a fact without reading any of these posts. I usually don't wear my heart on my sleeve but this time I'm making an exception. A part of me hopes you are reading this right this second but another part of me hopes you never see it. I don't think I'll ever know though, which is okay with me.
I have sad songs constantly on repeat, I have no desire to eat, I can't sleep, and this rainy weather doesn't help much. I'm not feeling sorry for myself or making myself this way. Listening to sad songs and trying to sleep are the only things that feel right. I guess writing these posts do too because they kind of help in getting my emotions out. I just want to be alone. And hope I can make time speed up. The downside to that is, I think time is my only option right now. I just need to somehow convince myself that time is working with me and not against me.
I keep repeating a Taylor Swift line in my head, that I can't help thinking might have been true...
"And maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece until you tore it all up..."
I'm trying to see the good in this, I really am. I know God's plan is better than my own. It's hard to see it right now because it has just begun. This happened for a reason, and I think I know what that reason is since I couldn't do it myself so God did it for me. I'll just have to trust in that and wait.
But... no one likes waiting.
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