It Started out with A Kiss How Did It End Up Like This?

I won't be offended if you just stop reading right now. Looking back on my previous posts I couldn't help but laugh at my writing. It's crazy to see how much my writing has changed and how naive I used to be, getting hung-up on every detail of life. Now, life is different. I feel lost, empty, and broken. So my next series of posts will be pretty depressing. Pray that light comes into my life and makes these posts a little brighter.
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I know it's not my fault, but it takes two to tango, so they say... I have no motivation to do anything. I haven't eaten or slept in two full days. My best friend is gone and I feel more alone than ever before. He didn't die, but it almost feels like it, he's just gone for a long time. I didn't know that the human body could produce as many tears as I have recently shed, which is a lot. I kind of feel like I was slapped in the face. I say that because I was used and told I was used right to my face. And now I am being thrown away. I can't say that all of my anger is gone because that would be a lie. I have a lot of hurt in me which won't go away for a long time. This was all so sudden and I clearly wasn't prepared for it.

I'm cold and lonely and I have no where to turn. I am ashamed and filled with regret.
I miss you more than words can express. I want so badly to call you and hear your voice, I pray that I never forget what it sounds like. I am dreading the day we run into each other, but at the same time I can't wait for it.

I was finally starting to believe that you loved me and cared for me, why? I guess after all the fighting I decided to trust you. A lot of people have let me down, including you, and have hung me out to dry, but no one has ever made me feel like I was lovable. Except you. I filled with condemnation and shame that I can't bear the thought of anyone loving me. We screwed up. There's no doubt about that. I hope our souls can be fixed and filled with the spirit of God so we can move past this. And so that instead of depending on each other we can be dependent solely on God.

I can't bear the thought of never talking to you again- and when I do, I feel a pain in my chest. I guess we'll have to wait and see.