Bonne Annee

I find myself alone a lot. Sometimes the silence scares me, sometimes it reminds me that I lost my best friend, and other times it makes me cry. I'm going to be a coward and not admit that I absolutely hate it. I had somewhat gotten used to being alone because I always had someone to re-assure me that everything would be okay, that being alone is what made me strong. And now, it seems like that was all a lie. I cry like a baby, I spend way too much time sleeping and being lazy. I don't feel like I have any friends. I wish for far too many things to happen that don't come true. And I have very little hope for 2013. 2012 had its ups and downs and to name a few,
I...

- became legal, 18!
- graduated High School
- got kissed at midnight on my birthday
- went to Haiti, which changed my life
- got my permit, finally
- made a big mistake
- started college
- found a great job
- completed a half-marathon
- And lost a dear friend

There are of course dozens more but these are the best. To tell you the truth, until the end, 2012 was an awesome year. I am trying to be hopeful for 2013 but since everything is dark and depressing, I can't make any promises. However, this year I am hoping to complete another half-marathon in April, complete my first year of college, complete the Tough Mudder, grow the courage to contact my biological Father, and well most of you know the last one. There are some things I wish I could have done differently in 2012 but who isn't wishing that? I don't want to forget what happened in 2012- my sin reminds me of how much I need Jesus and how much I screwed up. I wish things were different and I still had some people in my life who have walked out, but I'm starting to think they don't want me anymore and maybe didn't want me in the first place. It breaks my heart but the truth hurts. Of course I'm making assumptions on that, but can you blame me?

It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. And I don't want to either. I can say with certainty that I couldn't even if I tried.




P.S- Don't worry, New Year's Eve wedding's are overrated.