Thursday, January 10, 2013

I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore

And so tonight is where I'm lying in my bed staring at the ceiling for far too many minutes thinking over the harsh words that were thrown at me. Also thinking about life, the future, the past, and over thinking. Yet still tears run down my face like raindrops sliding down a window. The teardrops somehow glisten- probably because I sleep under a window and the moonlight shines in. It's quiet, dark, and cold. The silence reminds me that I'm alone and there's nothing I can do to change that. The darkness hides my red eyes from lack of sleep, and the cold makes my arm hairs stick up and give me goosebumps.
The clock has barely passed 2am and I can't find a way to make my eyes shut. My brain is wide awake but my eyes are tired and wet- you'd think they'd be dry by now, but they're not. Time is not my friend right now. But apparently it's the only solution. Not sure if I fully agree with that though, but I have no say in this what-so-ever so what does my opinion or thoughts matter anyways?

I was with someone who never made me think I wasn't good enough but ended up telling me that I wasn't, yet I was with someone else who told me I was good enough but I was never able to believe it. And I especially don't believe it now- can you blame me?

There is so much more I could write here and I have typed and deleted so many sentences that I don't even know what else to say. If I did write anything else out you would all be frustrated and confused. So I'll spare you.

p.s- It's no secret I miss you, so don't sit there contemplating whether I do or not because you should know dang well that I do without even saying it.

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