Cut All of The Ropes and Let Me Fall

I've had many trials and hurdles in my life and usually I am surrounded with people who do a very good job of getting me through it. So why should this hurdle be any different? The word "hurdle" might be an understatement but even still,I should have people to go to. I'm sick of no one knowing the answers to my questions or not knowning what to say to my thoughts and concerns. I'm tired of being alone and treading water in the deep end with no one to talk to. Sure I'm no different than I was before and yeah everyone knows I'm not ok, but that shouldn't excuse people from coming to my side.

I'm so completely lost and confused with the way people show care that it makes me want to run away. I'm annoyed at how I'm the one who was chewed up and spit out yet, the one who spit me out is getting more care than me. The last thing that I need is attention and anyone who knows me would agree. I don't need or even want people feeling sorry for me, I don't want people acting sad around me just because of how I'm feeling, and I sure as heck don't want people thinking that I'm fine.

I'm to the point now where I realize people don't care anymore and I know you're all sick of hearing me complain and express my feelings about all of this, I get it. But throughout all of this, I can't help but laugh at the lack of people I have. And maybe that makes me sound pathetic or desperate and so be it, because I don't really care anyway.

The amount of flack I've been given about giving a second chance to someone who doesn't deserve it, is unbelievable. I mean I knew I was going to hear alllllllll about it but I never imagined the opinions would be this loud. I have so many people telling me that this is a bad idea and they don't want to see me hurt again and that I am being stupid. And then their "advice" stops there. Half my friends hate the idea and are sick of me talking about it, the other half are non-existant. My brain is ready to explode from the amount of "this is a bad idea" being thrown into it. I have all of these ideas and opinions and thoughts in my head and then I have my heart. And in my heart I still feel it beating. My heart likes to give second chances and knows how to take a punch. And in my heart I have memories that seem to keep shining through. Actually, I shouldn't even say that because all there is right now, is a giant hole where my heart used to be. I guess you could say that I'm trying to get it back, which will be very, very, hard since I know, deep down that I will never fully get back all of its pieces.