This Post Sucks

I keep trying to prove that I'm worth something, and maybe you hope I am, yet here I am again- afraid that I'm not. 

Some days I feel strong and capable and like I could someday amount to something, but other days I want to drive into a wall. And sometimes I'm afraid I almost will.

I usually have expectations about most things because I like to set goals. However, I see how completely and utterly useless they are to have. I picture out scenarios in my head and wishfully think about the best case that could happen. Yet, I see nothing of what I pictured or imagined and am stuck in a rut of thinking about what lies ahead. I see the beauty in not knowing what lies ahead, I do. And it's not that I'm worried about it, I just fear that whatever does lie ahead doesn't consume me. 

If it doesn't then maybe it was all worth it and I can pat myself on that back., but if it does, then I won't be surprised. I usually find a way to screw things up and know I will continue to do so. Whatever lies ahead has a big chance of getting screwed up by yours truly, so heed my warning and be not surprised- I make no promises.