I woke up this morning and got ready for school and came downstairs to find that my dog suzie had eaten the string, (they're like bows) on my moccassins, great day to start out. MLIA. And then I get into the car and my mom told me to rub my blush in because i apparently had a line from it. Now she tells me to do this like everytime we got out somewhere, and it is getting on my nerves a lot. You would think that i notice because i do my makeup in the morning and i didn't see a line. Everytime she tells me to rub it in and it really cocky about it... And she started yelling at me because i apprently didn't rub it in enough, really mom? cool. So i shut the door of the car as i went into school and neither of us said a word to eachother.
And everytime i come home from school we email periodically until she gets home, usually about random stuff like what are you doing? whats for dinner? things like that. But this time she asked me if I got her text, so i got up and looked at the text that read something along the lines of," you're disrespect towards me is unaaceptable, no computer, phone or ipod this weekend." Then i sent her an email back apologizing about my attitude and how i get annoyed when she tells me that. And she said that we would talk about it tonight.
I went to the Amosland bingo night at my elementary school (: with my friend Jaclyn, and when i got home she's in bed asleep. And this is only at like 9:15 maybe. But she has been feeling sick so i'll give her that.
I am just sick of being in fights with my mom and they are never resolved. Things are always brushed off and acted as if it never even happened. And I think that is part of the reason that we fight so much. Shes almost all that I have, I mean i have my grandparents but they're not the best and thats a whole nother story to tell. I'm just unhappy and upset. Really the only thing cheering me up is my friends.
It's like things are slowly crumbling but you can't tell. There is just something that makes you think that and then your mind just starts to wonder about everything in your life and how many things are wrong with it and you wish they weren't and you still have faith that God will keep your head above the water because you gave yourself to him. It's like waiting for something that you have wanted for a long time but then you get it and it's not as good as you thought it would be or as good as you wanted it to be.
i just feel stuck and im trying so hard to get out but i can't; and thats why
i'm falling to pieces.
love, abby
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
It's 2010
Well it's been a long time since i last wrote, and the reasoning being that i had no desire to. i mean i always was thinking of good ideas that i could fit into a blog but never got around to doing it. I was so unmotivated and my thoughts on my life were that my life sucks.
It felt like my life was crumbling beneath me and i was doing something wrong. my family and i fight a lot and it's not pretty. especially with my mom. not having a dad takes a lot away from you. we live with my grandparents and when someone asks, i always say,"oh my grandparents live with me." even though it's the other way around. my mom and i fight often but what can i say we're eachothers best friend.
I wasn't doing well in school except for the easy classes. and i was paying for it. i was never focused and i was always tired, never motivated and very unhappy. i can honestly say that i am still unhappy but im doing better. it's hard feeling alone and like no one understands you. The last fight my mom and i had was ugly. it was about a snowboarding trip and she was being unreasonable in my point of view, though i didn't go i was pretty mad. the whole 35 or so minute ride home we didn't speak except for a brief 5 minute yelling period between us, then i was dropped off at home, and i was alone. i sat on the couch and i cried and cried and cried. it felt like she didn't care and i was trapped. i often do feel trapped. when seh got home she apologized and i accepted. it didn't change anything that i felt. before i went to bed i cried for a while and didn't get to sleep until maybe 2am.
No one knows what life is like for me, but don't get me wrong im not trying to get a guilt trip or find pity in myself. it's just not normal the way things have been going, and frankly it's freaking sucks. i am never home on the weekends always out with my friends and i never spend time with my school friends either. it's like i am in a world of my own but i didn't design it, someone else did and they made it miserable.
it's just not going well. although it's a whole lot better than it was...
love. abby
It felt like my life was crumbling beneath me and i was doing something wrong. my family and i fight a lot and it's not pretty. especially with my mom. not having a dad takes a lot away from you. we live with my grandparents and when someone asks, i always say,"oh my grandparents live with me." even though it's the other way around. my mom and i fight often but what can i say we're eachothers best friend.
I wasn't doing well in school except for the easy classes. and i was paying for it. i was never focused and i was always tired, never motivated and very unhappy. i can honestly say that i am still unhappy but im doing better. it's hard feeling alone and like no one understands you. The last fight my mom and i had was ugly. it was about a snowboarding trip and she was being unreasonable in my point of view, though i didn't go i was pretty mad. the whole 35 or so minute ride home we didn't speak except for a brief 5 minute yelling period between us, then i was dropped off at home, and i was alone. i sat on the couch and i cried and cried and cried. it felt like she didn't care and i was trapped. i often do feel trapped. when seh got home she apologized and i accepted. it didn't change anything that i felt. before i went to bed i cried for a while and didn't get to sleep until maybe 2am.
No one knows what life is like for me, but don't get me wrong im not trying to get a guilt trip or find pity in myself. it's just not normal the way things have been going, and frankly it's freaking sucks. i am never home on the weekends always out with my friends and i never spend time with my school friends either. it's like i am in a world of my own but i didn't design it, someone else did and they made it miserable.
it's just not going well. although it's a whole lot better than it was...
love. abby
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