I miss feeling wanted and feeling like my company was wanted. I miss laughing almost all the time and having someone tell me how much they love when I smile. I miss the security of knowing that no matter what time or place you always had my back. I miss how free I used to feel. I miss having someone believe in me but also challenge me at the same time. I miss the happiness that my life used to be filled with because right now it's full of sorrow and guilt. I miss not being judged and having someone I know that will keep my secrets. I miss the words you would speak to calm me down and realize that things are okay. I miss my person.
I miss the feeling when you're wrapped up in someone's arms and it feels like the safest place in the world, like you don't need to worry and no one can touch you.
Most of all, I miss the memories we made and share(d). Because I will always carry them with me, but for both of our sake's, I hope the unbearable ones leave soon.
After reading over these there is so much more that I could add, so much more that it makes this hurt that much more. But then I think to myself, how can I miss any of these things if none of them were real? You don't need to pretend anymore that our friendship was real and that the only the rest was fake. I think it's time I stop pretending that I was good enough and realize that I will never be the right type of friend for you. And I know there is nothing I can or could have done to change this.
The hole in my chest grows bigger every day even though I'm begging for it to close up. I can't believe the realization of what I've just written hasn't sunk in yet, for whatever reason that is, I hope it's a good one because this kind of pain and feeling of hurt and betrayal is making my heart and soul weary. I have felt a lot of emotions and been burned many times in my 19 years, but none of those times can compare to this time. No, this time is much worse.
